Monday, May 23, 2011

How God Got Through

I was 13 years old and in a world of pain that I couldn't talk about to anyone. I trusted no one, was myself with no one, and the worst part of it was that I didn't realize just how much pain I was in so it wasn't possible for me to fix this on my own. I was so incredibly lonely but too afraid of being vulnerable to risk letting that fact be seen by anyone. Then God, in His infinite wisdom, put Randy into my life.

Randy welcomed me into his group, made me a part of things. He took an interest in me. He was tall and smart and funny, qualities I valued highly in a man. I was used to being treated like an outsider in part because of my intelligence, but around him I had to work to keep up with his wit. He challenged me. He treated me with a dignity that no one else had ever given me. He saw beauty in myself that I could not see. Slowly, ever so slowly, he worked his way behind the walls until he made it far enough in there that he could sit with me.

Along the way I did plenty of things to hurt Randy. He never gave up on me, never quit loving me. It might be odd to say this considering that for the first 18 years of our relationship he was an atheist, but it was because he loved me so completely and thoroughly that I began to believe that unconditional love just might be possible. I began to believe that maybe, just maybe, God really did love me unconditionally. It would take years before I was ready to really put my full trust in that belief, but it was through Randy that God got through to me. God took Randy's love for me and used it to slowly coax me out of my hiding place, to convince me that love was worth the risk.

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