Thursday, June 2, 2011

Finding Peace

There are times in life when the things that are going wrong just seem to pile up, and even though you know mentally that Christ is there with you, it just isn't reaching your heart. Yesterday, for me, was one of those days. My grandmother is ill and I need to visit her before she dies, but I can't afford to pay rent let alone pay for a trip to southern California. Our game is just starting to get its feet underneath it, but I'm not sure that we'll have it up and running before we run out of time. You get the picture.

Even though I know, mentally, that God never allows anything to happen that isn't ultimately for our good and His glory I was struggling to keep that in mind. Looking back on my life, it just feels like every time things start to go well the rug gets pulled out from underneath us. It would be a fair statement to make that I've been through more ups and downs than someone on the longest roller coaster of the world. I know that good things have come from it, I know I'm a stronger person because of it, but yesterday I was not feeling it. What I was feeling was abandoned and hopeless, angry, and just weary of the fight. I needed peace, but I wasn't finding it.

As I usually do, I wrote in response to what I was feeling.


Refrain Are there no answers
For the problems of today?
Surely there's more to life
Help me find the way

v1 Searching for a peace
That I cannot seem to find
Crying out to God
Hoping He will ease my mind


v2 Tired of stumbling
All alone in the dark
I need a place of safety
Let me shelter in your arc


v3 Feeling battered and bruised
By the endless storms of life
It's like I'm walking
On the edge of a knife


Then, I remembered that it was Wednesday. Wednesday is when our Church has Eucharistic Adoration. Randy and I went together. I walked in an emotional mess. Usually I'll bring pen and paper with me but this time I just sat there. I sat at the feet of Christ and allowed Him to touch me. It didn't take long before I began to feel the peace that had eluded me all day start to wash over me. I could feel my emotional resistance to it slowly erode until every ounce of the anger, hopelessness, and weariness were gone. I was at peace.

I finished the song I started yesterday today. Someday, I'll sing it to you on a day when you need to hear it most.

v4 I don't know what to do
But I know just where to go
Before the tabernacle I kneel
Your True Presence I feel

bridge As I sit in the silence
This is where it all starts
The Holy Spirit's peace comes
Your voice speaks to my heart

v5 You are the answer
to the problems of today
You are the Life, the Truth
You are the Way

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