Thursday, July 28, 2011

The needs of today build the faith of tomorrow.

Once upon a great time, I doubted the existence of God. I didn't have any faith in Jesus Christ. I had doubts about the whole Catholic Church. So, I walked out on everything. Left it behind, or tried to. I couldn't shake my belief in God no matter how hard I tried, but I did spend a lot of time wondering about His nature - who was He and what was He. 

I'd probably still be wandering about, unsure and unsteady, except that God took matters into His own hands. He gave me a child at the age of 19. He knew the mother in me would want the best for my child, would be concerned with its happiness and its future. What I would not do for myself, I would do for his sake.  

I still fought God, though. I fought the Catholic Church and Jesus Christ and every Christian belief I'd been raised with for the first 8 years of that child's life. I didn't want to believe. I wanted things to go my way, and I didn't like the idea of bowing down to anyone else. Then, my son confronted me with his pain. It was pain that I couldn't fix, pain that the play therapist couldn't heal. It was pain that went way deep into the very depths of that child and made him want to kill himself to end that pain. I didn't know what else to do. I tried everything else first, but when I couldn't fix what I'd broken, there was nowhere else to go but God.  And God did heal what was broken. My son at 15 is a much happier and healthier young man than that child of age 8.

It was my need that drove me to prayer, and seeing my prayers answered that led me to faith that there was a God.  It was my need that drove me into the arms of Christ, and His consolation that taught me to believe that He was there.  Brick by brick, need by need, answered prayer by answered prayer, God built a foundation of faith for me so that my life could be transformed and changed.  So, in my needs of today, I thank God. 

Today, I thank Him because the need I had to know that my little sister was safe and alive became a prayer answered. I thank Him because my inability to provide leads me to lean on Him, creates needs that keep me on my knees and keep me close to Him. I know that when the needs of today that shape my prayers are answered, that foundation of faith will grow even stronger so that I can withstand greater storms in life.

Popular Posts