Saturday, July 30, 2011

Where the rubber meets the road

It's 6:19 am as I write this. I'm in tears. I feel unhappy and depressed. There's a list of problems in my life that are pretty long, and I don't have answers for any of them.  I've gotten very little sleep in the past 24 hours, I have to be at work at 4 pm, and I can't fall asleep. This is one of those days where my faith is being tested to its maximum.

It's very easy to talk about following Christ. It's very easy to talk about picking up our crosses, but when we are presented with those very real and very difficult crosses that's where we decide how real our faith is to us.  Is God worth carrying this cross? Is it worth the pain, the suffering, the doubt, the sleeplessness, the heartache, the heartbreak, and the agonies we're going through to follow Him? If we can't answer yes to that question, we drop out of the race.  Maybe we'll decide to pick it back up again later on, but for the moment, we stand defeated.

It was in the midst of my tears that I realized that today is a good day.  I am beset by problems, but I am not defeated. My decision to continue along the path Christ laid before me is a victory. I have chosen the cross. If this is the fire that I must walk through in order to reach Him, I know in my hear that He's worth it. I refuse to give up, and so instead I choose to thank God.

My husband's unemployment has been difficult, but it has also been the vehicle through which his faith has been renewed. Our family's faith has grown stronger. We now pray daily together, and we are more conscientious about making it to daily Mass on the days that it is offered. I have noticed our family has been, on the whole, getting along better. We have become much better stewards of God's gifts to  us. Our trials aren't over, and there is pain in those trials, but I know each of the trials we go through today will bear a sweet fruit in the future if I am willing to persevere.  Yes, indeed.  It is a very good day.

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