Sunday, December 9, 2012

God's Plans, Not Mine

Today was my day to lector. I was prepared. I read the readings, and had no trouble speaking them out loud. I could pronounce everything perfectly. I was all set, ready to go, confident of my ability to do this simple task.

However, halfway through the first reading, my voice began to waiver. It was hard to keep reading because I felt the tears coming. I had to slow down and collect myself.  For reasons I do not fully understand, God chose the moment when I was standing there in front of everyone reading His word to them to touch my heart and to speak to me. Tears slid down my cheeks as I read. I wasn't crying out of sorrow.  I was crying out of joy.  I was crying because I felt Him reminding me of His promises to us as I read:

"Led away on foot by their enemies they left you: but God will bring them back to youborne aloft in glory as on royal thrones" - Baruch 5: 6.

This passage was God's promise to the people of Jerusalem, that there would come a time when the children lost in exile would be returned to them in glory.  The promise is made to us, as well - to every Christian mother who has lost a child to darkness and the sin of slavery.  God will restore them to us, returning them to our lives and our hearts and restoring our families.  

I thought of my mother, who spent so many years on her knees for me while I wandered in the darkness.  She still waits for the promise to be fulfilled with my younger brother and older sister, and the two of us join our prayers together now for their sake.  God promises us the victory, our task is just to continue keeping the faith.  

I thought of my own wayward children, those who are wandering in darkness.  I pray for them, and God reminded me that the victory will come but it will come on His time, His way, with His plan and not mine.   My only task is to keep praying, hoping, believing, and speaking to them.  Keep holding the lantern so that when they are finally ready to come home to me there is someone there to come home to.

I don't know why God chose to speak to me in that moment. I don't know why He filled me up with so much joy that it spilled out in tears.    Maybe He was using me to speak to the hearts of those mothers today, just like He spoke to me, who are waiting for the return of children who seem lost to them.  I don't know. It was God's plan, not mine.  What I do know is that no matter the reason He chose that moment, His plans are always better than our own, and I choose to place my trust in Him.

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