Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Stalling

I had grand plans and good intentions. I did. I was going to lead everyone through 40 days of meditation on the Preparation for Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary.  It was a good plan. A noble plan. So, those of you who are regulars here might be wondering, what happened to my plan? Me.  I stalled out.

It started when I missed a day.  Then another. Then a third. I felt guilty. I had plans to pick it back up on the fourth. By the fifth I was feeling horribly guilty, and overwhelmed.  By day 10 I had pretty well resigned myself to the fact I just wasn't going to get it done.  However, I felt I owed an explanation to everyone. I'd failed them. Thinking about that made it much worse. I didn't want to fess up that I'd messed up.  Not that people wouldn't have noticed already.  Not that the truth wasn't glaringly obvious to anyone who spends anytime reading this blog at all.

Actually, I'm stalling in a lot of ways right now, and I could use some prayers. I don't know why, but the motivation and drive I had to do things over the last 60 days just went out of me. I can't seem to get myself motivated to do much of anything, even those things I need to do.  Which is sad, because for the first time since the end of September we're finally caught all the way back up on our bills and have a chance of having a decent Christmas, a happy New Year, and lots of good things on the road ahead.  But, none of that happens if I can't find my motivation.

Having said all of this, I was mulling everything over in my mind today.  I think the only thing to do is to do the same thing you do with a stalled engine.  You give it a breath or two, and you try again. You don't abandon the car and quit trying.  You give it some time so you're not flooding the engine and then you give it another go.

This little break has just made me aware of how much I need to do this, and how much good will come of it.  I apologize for stalling for so long, for letting you down in my failure, but I appreciate you sticking with me and continuing to read.  We're going to take it one day at a time. I don't promise perfection. I may stall out again. But if I do, just know that it means I need your prayers and some encouragement.

I think the reason I was stalling out so much is because I'd pushed myself really hard to finish all the things I'd finished in that 60 days and my mind just wasn't ready for one more thing. I needed a break.  It's an important lesson for our faith lives and for our everyday lives.  Sometimes you just need to take a break from things, wind down, collect yourself, and then you can get it going again.  I stalled out on Day 5 of the Preparation for Total Consecration.  We're picking it back up later today with Day 6 and we're moving forward from here.  Thanks again for reading, and God bless each of you.


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