For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be rich, to be famous, and to own a big house with lots of land and many beautiful things. It's a vision that is quite worldly, and tends to be at odds with my Christian faith. Over the past two weeks, these worldly desires have tugged harder at me than they usually do and I found myself distracted by them to the point where I allowed myself to fall into a big sin. I repented of that sin almost immediately, and God helped me to fix the problem I had created through my sin, but it occurred to me that I needed to change in a big way if I were to avoid the temptation to sin again.
Today, I decided to change the way I pray. I usually include in my prayers requests for certain sums of money to take care of whatever problems I am facing, even though I know that I am terrible with money. This has been a habit of mine for forever, but I decided to change that habit starting today. Beginning today, I decided, I will pray for a greater fear of the Lord. I will pray with all my might that God would teach me to be content with what I have, to no longer hunger after money or fame or worldly goods but instead to hunger after a greater union with Him.
As I sat there writing, I realized that if I can embrace poverty, humility, and simplicity I will find the joy, peace, and contentment I desire. If I am poor but I have God, then I have wealth beyond measure. If I am unknown by others but known completely by God then I am known better than all other men or women. If I have nothing except God, I have everything that matters. I realized that if I poured even a tenth of the time and effort into growing my relationship with God that I have put into pursuing money, I would be much closer to my stated goal of sainthood than I am at present.
Those of you who read my blog, I just ask you to pray for me. Help me to grow in my new path and to put aside the old, to stay firm and stand strong in my chosen path. Old habits are hard to break sometimes, and I may fall many times before I am strong enough to move forward without stumbling. However, this time at least I know that I have chosen a worthy path to pursue. I have chosen to pursue Him.
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